Welcome to edition 2 of Explorer
Take charge and commit to becoming the best version of YOU
This is what being an OWNER is about.
We own, take responsibility and make choices for our SELVES. So we need to understand US better and build the right support system to do this.
WELCOME TO THIS WEEKS EXPLORER
This week in our OWNER month we are focusing on being a better SELF through looking at things we can do in each of the following:
1. Internally looking inwards through our SELF awareness, understanding, compassion and care.
2. Externally looking outwards through how we understand, connect with and are received by others.
In this weeks edition we will explore:
ONE - The obvious INTRODUCTORY BIT to set the scene.
TWO - Getting to know our whole SELF and going inwards
THREE - A SELF Discovery Project
FOUR - Looking and asking outwards
FIVE - My Weekly Finds Smorgasbord of Ideas and Resources
ONE: Choosing how you show up in the world every day
There isn’t a perfect moment when everything is fixed we are a work in progress for life. How we choose to embrace this is important for our success. And here success means whatever it means for you!
It is about the choices, habits and mindset that we adopt daily in how we interact with ourself and with others. Some of this obvious but much of it is about getting curious on what we are unconscious of, in ourselves and in how others see us- often referred to as our blind spots.
The Positives
When we see ourselves clearly we are more confident, more creative, make better decisions, build stronger relationships and communicate more effectively.
When we see others clearly we act differently, create better relationships, reduce conflict, collaborate more, communicate based upon their needs and build a good reputation as a team player.
The challenge with OWNER and SELF Awareness
If you ask most people if they take full responsibility for their lives (Owner) or if they are self aware - most people would say a very firm - YES!. Studies suggest most people think they are both.
Yet we live in a world where the main narrative is about victims and looking for others to blame and recent studies cited in Harvard Business Review suggest that only 10 - 15% of us are actually self aware. Self deception is part of human nature to keep ourselves ‘safe’ and ‘comfortable’.
Many people overstate their strengths. It is interesting that Senior people are more likely to overstate their competence than others; maybe because of lack of reliable feedback, the power of their role or even the ego that can go with that. We all need to test our assumptions and get regular feedback. Based upon the above we also need to get good at giving feedback.
Most people do not look at fixing this stuff because they do not see an issue but checking for our blind spots and false assumptions has to be the beginning of our personal growth journey.
Who are you? Are you who we want to be? What do others see and think? Where do you over or under share?
SELF awareness is not a prerequisite for business success, but the self knowledge acquired is for being the best version of you. This is a route to success but not the only one. It is about who we choose to be, in how we show up in the world and the values we live by.
TWO: Getting to know our whole SELF
Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there. Marcus Aurelius
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is:
EQ starts with understanding our own emotions (self-awareness), then being able to manage them (self-regulation) and use them to achieve our goals (self-motivation).
Once we are able to understand and manage ourselves, then we start to understand the emotions and feelings of others (empathy) and finally to influence them (social skills)
We are not just talking about checking on our emotional competence - which is the popular go to space for SELF - this is a significant, but just part of the jigsaw.
There are various EQ Assessments - EISA (Emotional Intelligence Skills Assessment) is one of the better ones and they have a book The EQ Edge. It is better to work with a Coach or EQ specialist on this to get the most from it.
I am not going into working on your EQ because there is a lot already written. Much of it is a bit too academic so if you want to better understand your emotions start with Brene Brown with her books and great podcast.
Going Inwards
Go bigger and focus on the whole SELF.
The reason OWNER is the foundation future skills role is because it is about:
understanding and strengthening our SELF
getting clear on what we want which gives us a direction and focus
having self belief and confidence
Then using these to step up and step out to shout ‘Hello World’. As we jump into the arena of life to go for what we want. Only when we have done this internal work can we understand and help others effectively.
The COMPASS
We need a Compass to find our own North Star.
This PATH is clarity on our own ‘why?’, having a vision for our future and the initial direction to start. It is not about knowing every detail - it is about guiding lights to help us on our journey not unattainable distant shores.
THIS IS ME - is about SELF awareness. Understanding ME - our personality, character traits, talents, strengths, weaknesses, feelings, motivations, beliefs and values that drive us. Everything that makes us who we are and what is important to us!
The MEANING - that drives what we do. What are your top 2 below?:
AGENCY means we have to have hope in our futures, belief that we can achieve the path we set and multiple pathways to achieve it - not just plan A but plan A to Z. So we can adapt and pivot as we meet obstacles and challenges to find our way through.
And the Roots…
I did a Masters in Change Agency and my dissertation was looking at what it takes to be resilient. The two findings from my research that stuck with me as vital were:
Those with a strong ability to control their emotions were more self aware; and were in the moment enough to notice, stop and question when emotions were tiggered rather than letting them consume them. This is about EQ emotional competence and self management.
The importance of your roots. The stronger your roots the easier it is to withstand challenges and bounce back from setbacks. The tree drawing shows how I look at roots. Unfortunately when people are under extreme pressure or stress they often neglect these, letting them get too depleted by giving away too much or they fail to develop them at all. It is up to us to determine and nurture the roots we need so that when we face challenges we have the right support in place.
Some different views of SELF
These are my roots that guide my SELF reflection. This is about building SELF strength and reserves so I am not being taken out of the game:
Self Mastery and Satisfaction -This is thriving or self actualisation on Maslows Hierarchy of needs. Lifelong learning to consistently deliver daily on the optimized best version of me.
Self Belief & Acceptance - self respect and confidence in who I am and being OK with where I am right now.
Self Expression and Mindfulness - stepping in the arena and showing the world who I am (This is Me!) and as a consequence being in the here and now.
Contribution and Personal Growth - giving meaning by adding value, having an impact and being the best version of me.
Emotionally Self Awareness and Management - looking inwards through journaling and meditation, getting regular feedback from others and regularly working on how to better manage my emotional triggers.
Supportive Relationships and Belonging - my own team (family, friends, colleagues) and my tribes (where I belong and feel at home).
Self Care and Physical/ Mental Health - listening to myself, giving myself time and looking after my health, head and overall wellbeing.
Wealth and Gratitude - for me this means time, finances and this life I am blessed to live. With a daily practice of gratitude for all I have.
Safety and Security - my personal security, citizenship, employment, family safety, resources and home life.
These are mine. What are your SELF roots? What matters most now for you? That is your starting point. Build and strengthen.
Change the question from WHY to WHAT
Have you ever found yourself asking why you are like you are or why you did something to sabotage your efforts? Me too.
It can be a dangerous and somewhat futile to ask ourselves such questions. Many of the answers actually sit within our subconscious mind - based upon our history, personality, bias and deep rooted beliefs.
So when we ask ourselves these ‘why’ questions we force our thoughts to make up the answer we think is true to meet our initial explanation rather than gain any valuable insights that help us progress.
Yes, it is good to gain self knowledge to better understand our strengths, weaknesses, motivations, desires, aversions and needs. However we are more likely to find the answers to these by doing two things:
Exploring WHAT we do - our actions speak louder than words.
Asking others for feedback on WHAT we do - they notice different things than we do.
THREE: Beginning a project to learn more about ourselves.
This is our Discovery Project. For starters this means:
getting to know ourselves now and how we are showing up in the world. Self knowledge from working on ourselves, studying what we do and getting feedback on what others experience.
thinking back to the times we were at our best and noticing what that meant we did well - success leaves clues.
building healthy roots to support us to navigate change and deal with setbacks.
stepping forward from now using what we have learned - to adopt a new mindset, new behaviours and new skills to unlock that potential and build on our best. It is a life long continuous practice of small daily habits that compound for us to meet new challenges and grow.
HELLO ME! Have you ever worked on Customer Personas - describing your ideal customers lives and behaviours in detail, so that you deliver the best experience you can.
Create a persona for yourself - the above is just a starter - describe your life, your preferences and your journey. What does it tell you? Ask someone who knows you well to do the same. Reflect and learn.
We can explore ourselves through self reflection exercises with question based or free form journaling or meditation.
It can also be valuable to explore with Assessment tools. These may include 360 degree confidential feedback. Some well known ones are MBTI, Gallup Strength Finder 2.0, Thomas DISC Leadership Profile, The Big 5 Model and VIA. They can all be purchased online or maybe ask your HR Learning team.
The best way to use them is to do a few them at the same time. Doing them yourself for yourself means you can be honest – it is about who you are not who you think you should be. You should see some themes emerge. It will also help you understand others better.
Here are a few Assessment tools you can do for FREE online:
PRINCIPLES YOU This is from Ray Dalio author of ‘Principles’ and Founder of Bridgewater (working with leading Psychologists Adam Grant, John Golden and Brian Little). This test uses the Big 5 Model and latest personality science. It measures specific traits Dalio and others found were important in achieving success. As outlined in ‘Principles’ he is very focused on getting the right people in the right role and helping people discover who they are at their best. They use this tool and the results to manage their talent strategy and team culture. The test also gives you the option to share and compare with colleagues, friends and family. It takes 10 minutes for an overview and 20 to 30 minutes for the full assessment. If you want to use this with a Team there is a charge.
SPARKTYPE This assessment is linked to Jonathon Fields (of the Good Life Project) new book called Sparked. It aims to help you ‘discover your unique imprint for work that helps you come alive – understanding yourself more deeply and planning a future of more impact and meaning’. It takes about 10 minutes to complete and it will give you your primary and shadow Sparktypes on the work you are here to do.
VIA Survey Carl Peterson and Martin Seligman created a tool that identifies 6 overarching virtues and 24 character strengths that can guide your self discovery into positive states. Character strengths are the positive parts of your personality that make you feel authentic and engaged. You possess all 24 character strengths in different degrees, giving you a unique character strengths profile.
ATTRIBUTES ASSESSMENT TOOL - Rich Diviney developed the concept of tracking Attributes for SEAL selection in the US with the recognition that assessing skills of candidates was not enough. His book ‘The Attributes’ describes 25 of the attributes they identified and how to develop them. He also has an Assessment Tool and three supporting Category Workbooks available on his site and a great precis of the book is available here at Bob’s Books. Ideally you seek out the key attributes that will set you apart in your role and enhance them to help you become the best version of you.
It can help to work with a coach or buddy
Whilst self analysis can be useful it doesn’t necessarily make us more self aware. Also people do not always learn from experience. We may need some help with an impartial look at the data.
All the information gathering and assessments are just data points at a moment in time, not a badge to wear saying ‘this is who I am’ - because so much is not fixed about us - just good and bad habits. It is all just feedback.
It can be helpful to do this part of the journey with a coach or learning buddy - so that this SELF discovery phase is challenging and yet self affirming. Or it might just make us more critical of ourselves as we focus on our fears, insecurities and shortcomings!
As Michael Bungay Stanier says, with all the negative self talk we tend to give ourselves - we also need to remind us and others, that we are awesome and doing great!
FOUR: Looking and asking outwards
Most people think self awareness means looking inwards and soul searching. Whilst some people integrate reflection and self analysis into their lives, others can get lost in themselves or see it as an indulgence or are too uncomfortable with themselves to even look. If you do not want to go inwards start by going outwards and using the feedback for some reflection.
It is not just about monitoring our inner world - it is also understanding the difference between how we see ourselves and how others see and experience us.
Without feedback we can be very unaware of how we come across and there can be a big mismatch between our intentions and reality. Our ability to develop great social skills, empathise and work with others well depends on this.
You may already be one of the 15% but that is only likely if you regularly look for constant feedback from others. We need a means to check how we are coming across, if we are over or under confident on our abilities or if we are simply choosing to protect or delude ourselves.
The importance of constructive feedback
It is not self analysis but rather self knowledge with constructive feedback that provides the most valuable insights for learning, growth and building roots.
This is feedback from people who have your best interests in mind and are willing to tell you the truth.
How can you make it easier for people to give you feedback?
For starters be specific in what you want and when receiving it be grateful and see it as a gift. Be openminded as all feedback is valuable. It should just be part of the way you do things - to ask for it and give it constructively and competently.
If it does not feel right - you still need to gut check critical or surprising feedback to ensure its not just based upon one persons view or given with a negative intent. You do this by asking others not asking ‘why?’.
Remember to be kind to yourself
When we get feedback we can often be hard on ourselves and focus in on the negatives too much. Listen for and hear the positives as well. There will be lots of positives, and we can gain so much from celebrating and building on our strengths. Also make sure you give yourself as much compassion and self care in this as you would a very good friend.
FIVE: My weekly finds smorgasbord:
1) New book: The new 10th Anniversary edition of ‘The Start Up of You’ by Reid Hoffman and Ben Casnocha:
My LinkedIn Post on the new update
Link to Ben article on the 16 lessons who took from being Reid’s Chief of Staff at LinkedIn.
2) Article: Kevin Kelly of IDEO’s 70th birthday list of 103 bits of advice he wished he would have known when he was young
Article: KK Blog link
3) Article: Lynda Gratton of London Business School on maintaining network connections
Strategy+Business Article new role of networking and a Hybrid working world
She has also just published a new book on Hybrid working.
4) Podcast: Tom Bilyieu Impact Theory
Website with all the different Podcast details - life is about the acquisition of skills and putting those skills to the test in service of something bigger than oneself.
Mark Zuckerberg Podcast episode: The recent discussion on social connection and community on the metaverse.
5) New book: The New Megatrends - Seeing Clearly in the Age of Disruption by Marian Salzman on the next 20 years.
What will happen in the next 20 years?
Inspired by the 1980’s megatrends book and focused on the two decades ahead. Navigating deftly among geographies, Salzman connects threads across business, civic life, consumerism, family, and entertainment, revealing the trends and developments - some established, some surprising - poised to shift our identities, shape our collective future, and recast our past. In a world dominated by disruption, being prepared for change is a critical advantage. The New Megatrends is great for anyone seeking to understand the shape and texture of the next era, which, above all, will be marked by its relentless pace, new technology, and the ever-present threats of climate change and political division. Available at Amazon.
NB Our look at Reputation and Brand Identity will be in the 22nd May edition.
I planned to do the two together but SELF needed it’s own spot. This will newsletter will evolve into Monthly deep dives and then weekly lists but this topic would be shallow as a list.